Dec 7, 2011

Falling Behind and Moving Forward...

A Little more than a month ago I finally went in for a procedure on my tailbone. As most of you know For almost a year after I had Ava after most of my other injuries were healed or feeling better I still could not sit. Technically I could but it was excruciating if I had to sit, especially on something hard, I avoided going out as much as I could for as long as I could, but finally got tired of being stuck at home all the time just because I'd have nowhere to sit if we went out, and I had a low endurance for walking.

We ended up buying one of those reclining lawn chairs to help me be able to sit in certain places. It has been a wonderful blessing. Though I've always found it kind of comical when people look at the chair or me and say things like "aw you must be so comfortable" or "I need one of those it looks so nice and comfy" I can tell you that chair has been a lifesaver for me many times, but comfortable is not how I would describe it. haha Necessary yes! I sometimes wonder how comfy it would be without the pain. Must be nice.

I have had trouble every step of this journey with getting appointments with the right people, being believed by dr.'s and not just brushed off. I was finally able to see a physical medicine dr who made a plan to do therapy and see me in a few months. Well when everything else improved with therapy, but not my tailbone (in fact it felt worse) I tried to see Him again. Only to turn up and be told he was out for the month (after just coming back from being off, weird!) Was given an appointment a month later with someone else.  Yes...every time I needed something I'd have to wait a month at least. I was getting tired of waiting to be helped...yet thankful to be feeling much better than in the beginning. It was hard to balance demanding to be helped for the still occurring problems, and being content with the healing I had and God's blessing of LIFE!

Needless to say...I waited. I was finally able to see the dr and he seemed to know exactly what he was talking about pointing out the places on a skeleton that I was hurting saying words that I can't remember but sounding like he thought there was a reason for the pain. You see most people right from the beginning brushed off the fact that there were other problems besides my pubic bone separating. I had a whole host of other issues that went unaddressed for a long time. I learned how to "be the squeaky wheel" but even then...medical people have a "nice" way of still brushing you off. It's ridiculous what they get away with.

This dr got me  set up to see someone else. whose title is escaping me right now. but he would see about the problem and do a procedure that would hopefully help with the pain. Apparently only time will fully heal it, but the steroid shot can tide you over. A month later I got to see him, and he explained that all the tests and things were probably coming back normal just like I thought because of my position. It didn't hurt when laying but when sitting, and all my tests were laying down. He explained how there's a joint between the spine and tailbone and when I was injured it could have been jarred and made "loose" so that when changing positions. like sitting the joint moves causing my tailbone to have pain when I sit, but to look fine laying or standing. (makes TOTAL sense) So he did the procedure, which was SUPER painful. Had to stick needles and stuff into the gap on the outside of my tailbone, and go through the joint to inject the other side. I got to look at the screen guiding him, and it was pretty cool. After the procedure he told me that it was understandable that I hurt a lot because to was probably his most painful procedure that he does. He said I did really well tho. (no wonder they offer anti anxiety meds ... )

The first day I had intense pain and could hardly walk. The pain I normally had while sitting, tense, stuck feeling, was occurring even when I walked. Which he explained was probably because injecting the joint had tightened it, so it would feel  like that at first. After that though, I tested it out and was able to sit at the dining table and get up with ease!!! I normally would have to be "dragged" slowly and lifted up while in tears to get up. I could NOT stand up on my own cos of the stuck pain feeling. It was SO amazing to feel somewhat "normal" again.

Fast forward a couple weeks after and I am now thinking more about "officially excersizing" I went to curves before we were married and for a while after, til I was 24/7 sick with Kyah and had to cancel. I just couldn't do it. I have wanted to go back for a long time, but could never justify the extra expense on myself. Living on a small budget is made a lot easier when you don't spend money on yourself. haha Through all this I have learned to be able to balance the me stuff a little better with the family stuff. I was starting to see how not only the excursive would benefit me, but also the chance to get out for a bit.  I am home all the time. I am a stay at home mom/wife. But we also have one car, and if I go somewhere it is a walk to the park, or I get up at the crack of dawn to take joey to work, and use the car for dr apt etc. I don't mind being home raising my children. I'm not the type to feel like I always need to be out of the house. I feel that God has blessed me in that. I have to be home a lot. I do at times get that "cabin fever" feeling. But mostly am truly content to be home all the time with my girls, teaching them, spending time with them, keeping house and preparing things so that my awesome husband is able to study and learn and minister. We both decided that it would be good for me and in turn be good for the whole family for me to start going back to curves. I figured I could go at my own pace, and not put any strain on my body by only doing things at the speed I was comfortable with, and if any machines hurt, I would skip it.

So, I joined curves. It has been wonderful for me to have that time for me. When Joey gets home at 5 I go to curves. I have about an hour away. Drive time which varies depending on traffic, workout time of about 30min or so, then driving home. I have missed driving time in the past. When i used to nanny I would get to pray, sing, and worship God listening to my christian radio. Music is such a help to me. I was missing that being home all the time. (with a radio in the house that doesn't pick up the christian stations, so we can only use cd's, thankful for pandora these days! variety of christian music!) Anyway...babbling...Having that time to myself in the car, to sing to think to praise the Lord, has been so beneficial. Working out was hard at first and I took it easy. But as time has gone on I am feeling a difference in how I do it.

I was noticing I had more energy when I'd get home. It was like a second wind. I'd work at home all day doing things, then go workout, (dinner in the crockpot for family while I'm gone) I'd get home and eat, then be able to clean the kitchen and do dishes with my extra energy, clean the floors, finish up laundry etc. I was feeling awesome. Accomplishing so much, and just loving how much more normal I was feeling. I even had the thought. " I feel like I'm back to normal" ....and then it happened.

I was making dinner one night. (on the stove for a change) AND loading dishes. It was a wednesday, so I wasn't going to curves. I don't go on weds cos of church. Joey was sitting at his desk studying and had put Ava on the floor by him to sit and play. She suddenly (first time ever) flung herself forward and face planted HARD on the wood floors. OW! He picked her up and comforted her, but she kept looking at me and crying. So I went over and tried to comfort her. I had left the stove when I went to her. Completely forgetting about the dishes. So as I was doing the "bouncy, rock, sh sh sh thing" I stepped backwards...and my foot tripped on something I felt myself just fly backwards twisting my ankle in the process. I flew backwards over the DISHWASHER DOOR!!! Landed on my back and must have put one hand out to catch myself cos I hurt my wrist too, AND poor Ava bashed her head on the cupboard. (probably when my other arm tried to catch myself) I burst into tears, Joey got Ava and wanted to know if I was ok. I felt absolutely horrible that I was trying to help her and I had hurt her worse...I limped out of the room and went to lay on my bed. realizing then that my back really hurt!

The next few days I felt so discouraged. I had been doing so good, feeling almost normal, and then I fell. I couldn't go work out. My back felt tight all the time, low back tailbone, neck shoulders, kept getting bad headaches. I was really worried that I had set myself back. I was not in the intense pain I had when I was first injured. But my immobility reminded me of part of my recovery. It felt like I had set myself back months again. There were a lot of tears that week, and frustration as I had been keeping up well with the house and everything, and then suddenly I had to rest again, and you know when the mom Jack Sparrow would say... everything goes to pot. :) I sent a lot of time in prayer and being thankful for how far I'd come, trying to be happy with all the blessings I still had and seeking God's will in this setback. Turns out, after about a week. I felt a lot better, and was able to ease back into things. That first workout being back was really hard, and a little painful, but afterwards I felt so good.

I am now enjoying my time 3-4 times a week. M,T, Th Fr. Going to curves, and having that hour of me time. I have spent years not really having any, and am content with that too. This is just an extra blessing. I still get to spend my days doing school with my girls. teaching them the ways of the Lord, being an example to them of how to care for a household, and teaching them to be responsible...I still get to feed my family. I am especially thankful to my husband who has allowed me to do it. Our typical schedule would be he comes home has a little down time, and after eating studies. He has emoting to do every day. mondays and tuesdays are spent studying for weds, and every other tues he has greek class, wednesday he preaches, and thurs he has a weekly conference call with some other preachers to talk about things that they are studying together. (another thing he studies for) friday he is usually studying in general, sometimes we get to have some family time or us time. He has spent a lot of time the past couple months working on a new church website. He has taken the time from his busy ministry schedule to allow me to have this time. I am SO thankful for this. And for having such an awesome husband who spends so much time in the Word of God, he puts so much into his studies, and I am so blessed when I hear him preach, you can tell He has stuied hard. We have also been Going to Tracy church while they are without a pastor almost every other week, so his weekends have been also spent with lots of study for sundays. I am so proud of my husband and all he does. I am blessed to be able to do my part in allowing him the time and the freedom to study as he needs to. We have been blessed with his work schedule allowing him to work extra on other days to have every other monday off. Our Family mondays, are such a blessing, and the time for me to "catch up" sometimes on those mondays while daddy does something with his girls is just priceless.

All in All...God has been so good to us. He has brought us through the fire...and refined us. I feel so blessed and encouraged for all the strengthened and new friendships I have made this past year. I am also thankful for the revealing of character in some. It is sad to realize people that you thought were true friends aren't BUT it is a blessing to be able to pour into the true friendships and bless each other, and know that God has allowed me to have so many awesome people in my life that I never expected.

We are excited for what God has been revealing to us through all this, and are happily seeking His will and finding it. What a blessing to follow the Lord in everything. I could NOT have gotten through this trial without Him. He has truly been my rock.

Since I'm being sentimental. Special thanks to those who helped us so much in our time of need. financially, food wise, cleaning, encouragement. Just being there for me, and understanding who I was even while going through a huge trial. I so appreciate my friends who stuck in there for me, and never doubted me. God is good and I am so blessed.

More to come on Ava's BIRTH-day...and Ava's future posts. Thanks for reading.

Keep Looking Up!

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Phil 3:14