Nov 20, 2012

Let's make a Chain...and set him FREE!

We are making a paper chain for our boy...

He has spent his life in "bondage" behind the walls of an orphanage. We want to set him free, give him a family, make him ours. Show him love, nurture him, help him learn and grow.

But we can't do this without your help.

For every $2 donation we will write the name of your choice on a paper chain. Whether it be an individual, a family, whoever you would like represented on the chain. We will put it together as donations are made, and hang it in his room.

Let's see how long we can make this!!

Let's make a chain that will help set him free from the "chains" he is currently in.

Will you help us?

Donations can be made through the Gray ChipIn on the right side of the blog, or through this link.

Thank you to all who have helped so far, and will do so in future.  We have been so blessed with many supportive friends.

Keep Looking Up!


  1. Ashley Silvey
  2. Rosalinda Gray
  3. Rosalinda Gray
  4. Rosalinda Gray
  5. Rosalinda Gray
  6. Rosalinda Gray
  7. Susan Brown
  8. Kara McIntee
  9. Kara McIntee
  10. Tina Goodcase
  11. Amanda Skinner
  12. Aaron Skinner
  13. Daniel Skinner
  14. Katie Skinner
  15. Addie Skinner
  16. Juliet Skinner
  17. Jennifer Hamilton
  18. Rusty
  19. Patch
  20. Annie
  21. Gonzo
  22. Gracie
  23. Fumiko Takatsu
  24. Emmanuel Moral
  25. Marilou Moral
  26. Nikole Moral
  27. Jemima Moral
  28. Luis Moral
  29. Aaron Moyer
  30. Jenny Moyer
  31. Tiger Moyer
  32. Elijah Moyer
  33. Jo-Ella Moyer
  34. Vitaly Moyer
  35. Rebecca & Justin Green
  36. Rebecca & Justin Green
  37. Rebecca & Justin Green
  38. Rebecca & Justin Green
  39. Rebecca & Justin Green
  40. Rebecca & Justin Green
  41. Rebecca & Justin Green
  42. Rebecca & Justin Green
  43. Rebecca & Justin Green
  44. Rebecca & Justin Green
  45. Cathy Napier
  46. Cathy Napier
  47. Cathy Napier
  48. Cathy Napier
  49. Cathy Napier
  50. Cathy Napier
  51. Cathy Napier
  52. Cathy Napier
  53. Cathy Napier
  54. Cathy Napier
  55. Grace Saulog
  56. Neil Kruse
  57. Brandon Willis
  58. Jennifer Willis
  59. Dasha Willis
  60. Emily Willis
  61. The Jones Family
  62. Ashley Quinn
  63. Kelly D.
  64. Kyle D.
  65. Charlotte D.
  66. Josephine D. 
  67. Anna Ruth D. 
  68. Mary Carling
  69. Sandy Mutovic
  70. Josh Dack
  71. Susan Dack
  72. Aden Dack
  73. Anna
  74. The Dacks
  75. The Estes Family
  76. The Estes Family
  77. The Estes Family
  78. The Estes Family
  79. The Estes Family
  80. Shawna Bellomy
  81. Gloria Day
  82. Alison Holshouser
  83. Caleb Bellomy
  84. Jeremiah Walls
  85. Justin Walls
  86. Caleb Chatham
  87. Tammie Swinney
  88. Carolyn Denker
  89. Toni Becker
  90. Anna Lankin
  91. Anna Lankin
  92. Phil Blanco
  93. Lisa Blanco
  94. Matthew Blanco
  95. Abhijeet Lall
  96. Katie Lall
  97. Mandy Christian
  98. Mandy Christian
  99. Mandy Christian
  100. Mandy Christian
  101. Mandy Christian
  102. Linda Micallef
  103. Mia 
  104. Jett
  105. Jennifer Whelan
  106. Jennifer Whelan
  107. Jennifer Whelan
  108. Jennifer Whelan
  109. Jennifer Whelan
  110. Andrew Walls
  111. Paul Thompson
  112. Christi Thompson
  113. Gracie Thompson
  114. MaryClaire Thompson
  115. Julia Thompson
  116. Eben Thompson
  117. Alyssa Brannen
  118. Alyssa Brannen
  119. Alyssa Brannen
  120. Silvey Family
  121. Silvey Family
  122. Tammie Swinney
  123. Tammie Swinney
  124. Tammie Swinney
  125. Tammie Swinney
  126. Tammie Swinney
  127. Tammie Swinney
  128. Tammie Swinney
  129. Tammie Swinney
  130. Tammie Swinney
  131. Tammie Swinney
  132. Tammie Swinney
  133. Tammie Swinney
  134. Tammie Swinney
  135. Tammie Swinney
  136. Tammie Swinney
  137. Tammie Swinney
  138. Tammie Swinney
  139. Tammie Swinney
  140. Tammie Swinney
  141. Tammie Swinney
  142. Tammie Swinney
  143. Tammie Swinney
  144. Tammie Swinney
  145. Tammie Swinney
  146. Tammie Swinney
  147. Florence Barnsdale
  148. Florence Barnsdale
  149. Florence Barnsdale

Nov 1, 2012

Help Save Another...

You may think I'm raise money for another orphan you say...when you still have so much fundraising to do for your own family...??

Why Yes! The Goal: $1000. Nov1st through Dec 31st. Can you help us reach it. I will be advocating for sweet Sean to find a family, and help raise his fund. He currently has $10. Funds are a huge part of what stands in the way of these children finding families.

While I myself have struggled with the financial aspect at times, I have to trust that God will continue to provide. He gave us the start up funds, and we have been so blessed and have not been in want of funds when a need has risen in this adoption journey. Let's help bless another family with the beginning finances of their adoption, and let's pray that his family will come forward, and be encouraged. There are families out there...

We still have about $28,000 to go...but Sean...his goal for the next two months is to raise $1000. Can we do it? I think we can! I will be crafting Hair Clips, headbands etc to sell for funds for Sean. There will most likely be an auction. And those who donate $35 straight to his fund, will receive an ornament with his picture on it.

I have included the little button on the right side of the blog to make it easier if you'd like to donate.

Let's help our little guy's buddy find a family, and increase his fund!!

Keep Looking Up! 

Oct 18, 2012

There's a the end of the tunnel!

Where do I begin...

I apologize to those who like to read our blog and get updates for not posting sooner, there has been a lot going on.

I will do my best to wade through it all.

In July we lost our grandma, she had been sick, and was recovering, after having a scare and thinking we would lose her, she was getting better doing well, in a recovery home.

She went into the hospital for some treatment, and was doing well, when suddenly we got a call one night. "Come...grandma won't make it through the night. She got a blood clot in her lung." They had revived her once and were waiting for us all to get there and say our goodbyes.

We scrambled to gather the kids up, figure out where to take them, or if someone could come. The children could not see grandma in the condition she was in.
We took off to our friends house and dropped our girls off, and headed to the hospital. My stomach in knots the whole time.

We spent some time there, talking to grandma, holding her hand etc. They said she could hear us, but she was not herself, she could not respond, she was on machines keeping her alive.
Once we were all there we prayed with her, and they turned off the machines. It was one of the hardest things to witness/go through.

When we picked up our girls, everything felt surreal, when we left grandma was hour or so later...she's gone...

I miss her every day!

Over the next few weeks we waited for news about our sweet Jaxon, we found out that he had passed away. Another devastating blow. Joey wasn't home when I got the call so I called my sweet friend Jonana, and cried my eyes out. Joey had gone to a debate with some other preachers and I didn't want to call him with that news over the phone, or in the middle of something. I got the girls ready for VBS, and we went with my Sister in law Dayna. I told her about Jaxon, and we hugged and cried. Her hug at that time was so amazing! Our loss was also hers. We were both hurting.

I was a bit of a mess, so I spent a lot of time in the bathroom crying during VBS that night. When Joey came home late that night, I thought I had cried all my tears...I told him that I had to tell him something..

We laid there in the darkness, and he knew. He said, "Jaxon passed away..." I could barely answer with "yes" I held him...I will never forget watching my husband, as a single tear rolled down his cheek. "My little buddy..."

We cried, we prayed, we knew that we wanted to continue our adoption, but it was so incredibly hard to actually do. I wanted to just dig a hole, and go sit in it. I went through the motions of each day, all the while praying that God would give guidance and clarity. I knew we would continue, I just didn't know how.

Joey and I had many discussions, and we eventually agreed where the Lord was leading us. We would continue, we will adopt from the same region, and we will move forward as we were, but no longer for Jaxon...for a little brother.

Words cannot express the anguish, you go through at a time like that, and having to make decisions even when you know they are for the best doesn't make it any easier. We knew and had peace about how to proceed. But oh it is SO hard to lose a child and move forward. There is guilt, there is sorrow, there is fear...

I struggled with grief for a long time, and still "miss" my sweet boy.

But oh, how can we not move forward, knowing the fate of these sweet children, we pressed on in Jaxon's honor.

Fast forward to three weeks later. I am woken up in the middle of the night, apparently my brother in law is downstairs. In my half asleep state I worry if he's ok, are his kids ok, my sister in law...

It sounds like someone's crying, I hear sniffling, I'm wondering what's going on, is everyone ok?

Joey comes into the room and switches the light on, I make some comment about it being so bright, and is Donny ok?

Another moment, etched forever in my memory...the look on my husband's face. He sat down on the bed... "your dad killed himself last night..."



"I'm sorry babe..."

"NO...he wouldn't do, no, no"

In my mind I could NOT process the words, I was waiting for the "he's in the hospital, he's doing ok..."

it never came...

How can this be...this has to be a joke, how can this be a joke, no one would joke about must be true... NO! NO! NO!!!

I had Joey call my mum...I had to know...this can't be true..

She told us everything...

I cannot share all the details here. But those words, what happened, I will never forget.

I have spent many days, nights...countless hours going over everything in my mind.

There is SO much surrounding my father's death, that I cannot share here. But I share to say this. Please, love your family. Enjoy them! If you think something is wrong, speak to them. This could happen to ANYONE!

You are not above this. Ask anybody, and they would say the same, "he would never do that" but he did.

I have never felt grief so deep, pain so real, fear so present. I thought I could not go on.

Our whole world just got turned upside down, in a matter of a month or so. THREE significant losses, each on their own tragic, and painful...together, unbearable!

In a whirlwind of travelling back there helping my mum, I kept on, I cried by myself, I did my best to help those around me, and I did what I was "supposed to do" but inside...I was crumbling.

I only shared with a few close friends, and eventually my husband my innermost thoughts.
I wanted to give up. Don't get me wrong, I am truly blessed, and I didn't want to give up in a fatal way. I just didn't know how to go on. I wanted to pack up my current family, forget adopting, and just go to some distant island and be together. How do you recover from such severe blows. How do you go on...I was crippled by fear. What would happen next? Was this the worst of it, or just the beginning. Everyone that has adopted knows we all go through intense trials during the process, but seriously, all this...could we really move forward knowing we may face MORE hardship, more trial.


It is not by my strength that I am where I am today, but Christ alone. I am here to tell you...the past two years, have dealt several blows to our family. Things that you can not imagine getting to the other side of. But GOD! That is all I can say...But for the Grace of God...we must go on.

HE has carried me, HE has comforted me, HE is my strength.

If you don't know should.

Please pray for my mum. Pray for our family as we move forward.
We WILL continue...we WILL move forward! And we will honor those who are now gone, and do them proud.

Last week, a ray of hope...we were able to send our dossier. In non-adoption terms that means the bulk of our paperwork that we have worked on for the last 10 months, was finally finished, no more delays, no more papers needing to be added, no more running around...we mailed it, and it has arrived at our agency. PRAISE THE LORD! We have a coupe of fixes, and we will be good to go. We wait for travel dates.

Finally...some good news. We are truly blessed. God has not carried us in vain, we will keep on, we have been given new hope, we have been given new strength and much grace to carry on...

Pray for us, as we continue, as we share our story, as we raise the rest of the funds needed to travel. Thank you to those who have helped us get this far. I can't wait to see the the end of this rainbow!

I miss my grandma, I miss my sweet Jaxon, and I miss my dad...more than anyone can know. Though it is too late for Jaxon, I am so thankful for the time spent with Grandma Alta, for the sweet memories of my dad, for all the years we had with them. The last time I spoke with my dad, was on the phone, he prayed with me, after hearing our news about Jaxon. We have so much love to give our new son...we are coming for you sweet boy...soon...

Keep Looking Up!

Aug 4, 2012

The Hardest Post I've Had To Write...

It is with great sadness that we have to announce, that our sweet boy,

Jaxon Jeremiah Jaco has passed away.

We do not know when it happened, or how, just that it did.

The pain and sorrow we feel is great, and we would appreciate your prayers at this time.

Jaxon will always be a part of our family, our son, the little baby.

We are hoping to plan a memorial for him soon.

Please keep us in prayer as we move forward. We will continue in this journey in his honor, but right now we need to grieve. Please keep us in your prayers.

I love you my sweet will not be forgotten.


Jul 25, 2012

Car Wash and Lunch!

Update: We made about $500 with the carwash and lunch fundraiser. Thank
you to all those who came out and helped, and those who showed up to have their cars washed, including friends, who stayed and helped. We are truly thankful .

This Saturday July 28th we will be having a car wash at Scott's corner.

On the corner of Arden and Eastern in Sacramento.

We'd love to see lots of our local friends come out for this, as well as others in the community!

Fat Daddy's Frankfurters will be there too selling hot dogs, chips and drinks!

If your car needs a wash, or you get hungry on saturdays...COME SEE US!

FB link to the event here: Carwash!

For any new visitors to the Blog, if you would like updates on FB or need any info on our fundraising efforts and future plans. Please leave a comment and I can add you to FB.

Keep Looking Up! 

Jul 16, 2012

A Giveaway For Kenzi ~ Matching Grant!

UPDATE: The Morse's reached their matching grant!!  Christina Scott is the winner of the Canvas Giveaway! Thank you to those who participated! 

If you haven't already, please go check out The Huge Giveaway going on right now for Kenzi on Priscilla's Blog.

So here's the deal...
Someone offered a $1000 matching grant to help Kenzi home.
We need to make sure that the Morse's meet this goal and double their money.

If we reach this goal and get the matching grant, they will only be $4000 away from being FULLY FUNDED!

So I am hosting a BONUS GIVEAWAY!!

That's right, aside from the MANY wonderful prizes you can win in the giveaway going on RIGHT NOW! You can also win a BONUS prize.

For Each $10 donation to Kenzi's Big Giveaway you will receive an entry into the bonus giveaway.

The Prize...

Your Choice of a Custom Photo Canvas.

Pictures by yours truly.

If you like the Beach...

Or Waterfalls...

or Flowers...

or Sydney...

or Animals...

Mr Tiger and Baby Giraffe happen to be my favorites!! 

Take your pick!! If you'd like to win YOUR CHOICE of one of these images on your own custom photo canvas. Go here to enter the giveaway. Leave a comment for Priscilla or me to let us know and we will enter you into this bonus giveaway. AND don't sharing Kenzi's Giveaway on fb, or your blog, you earn FREE entries into the giveaway!

Let's Bring Kenzi Home!! 

Keep Looking Up! 

Jun 6, 2012

God is good...chipping away at that mountain.

We finished our Celebrating Home fundraiser over a week ago, and our final total profit was $1115

Our hat auction put on by The Charis Babe raised about $85

Our Auction for Jaxon started by my awesome friend Priscilla Morse will have raised about $200 once all payments have been made.

Our Yard sale raised $1275.

Some friends of ours in Oklahoma also had their own yard sale to raise money for Jaxon and raised about $827 that went into our FSP. (we can access these funds after getting our first travel date)

We are slowly chipping away at this looming money mountain... God has been good.

Please pray that we can have our Phsych evaluations done asap, and they won't cost a fortune. We need them done to add to our home study, and hoping once it's complete we can send our dossier. Then we wait for a travel date.

Please continue to pray for us in this journey. We can't wait to go meet our son!

We still need to raise $2000 - $3000 in the next two weeks!

Keep Looking Up!

May 25, 2012

Find A Family Friday - Ollie

So in case you didn't fridays tend to be busy. I did a Find A family Friday post about 3 weeks ago, and have yet to do one since. Joey has every other friday off, so we try to get as much adoption stuff done as possible.

But you'll be glad to know since then, BOTH children in that post have had families commit to them!!

Keegan's Family's Blog can be found HERE

Juliette's Family's Blog can be found HERE

Let's see if we can keep the momentum going...

I'd like you to meet ...


Sweet little Ollie captured my heart when I found my Jaxon. 
I went back and forth between the two boys, and eventually felt God calling us to adopt Jaxon. But this little sweetie has not left my heart. He needs a family too! His profile on Reece's Rainbow has recently been updated with some more information, and it shows that Ollie has a heart condition, and will probably need surgery when home. 

He also has an updated picture...

Sweet Boy... 
He is growing up wihtout a family...
He shares my Ava's birth month, and it pains me to think of him going without a family all this time...
Our sweet Ava just oozes love, and brings joy to everyone she meets...Ollie too can share that joy, enrich other's lives...he needs a family to thrive in, to allow him to flourish! 

Please consider donating to Ollie, sharing his page on fb, etc. Let's find this sweet guy a family!!! 

You'll find his Profile on Reece's Rainbow HERE!

Please spread the word. These children need our help!  

James 1:27
Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

Keep Looking Up!

May 14, 2012

Ava's Birth Story

October 24th, 2010
Jojo became quite ill. She was up half the night with a fever, and coughing, and just plain acting miserable. I was still experiencing contractions almost constantly. So I wasn't getting much sleep at all.

October 25th, 2010
According to the notes I wrote down in a journal, in an effort to remember every detail, today was a lazy day. haha I was dealing with contractions all day as well as JoJo being sick. I was up nearly all night again with contractions and caring for Jojo as her cough got twice as bad at night. Kyah was a big helper during the day...

October 26th, 2010
Day 3 of JoJo being sick...I was worn out, tried to keep girls occupied with PBS cartoons. I recall using the excersize ball a lot trying to ease contractions. I just wanted some relief. Having your stomach contract and harden all day for months is exhausting. Then I was up with Jojo throughout the night again. Up to go to the bathroom etc. Ava was being a ninja and keeping me up also...
Joey slept on the couch to allow Jojo room to sleep and hopefully help me have more room too. Plus He had to be up early for work. I remember thinking I really hope I don't go into labor because I have had NO sleep for the past few days!!

I went to Ladies Bible Study that afternoon, and we ended up having a conversation about how many things can go wrong in a pregnancy, and how blessed we are when we make it through without complications. I told of a friend that had a baby just a few weeks before and had witnessed test results change right before his eyes in regards to his baby. The Lord had heard our prayers! The Ladies and I had a big discussion about how every step of pregnancy is a miracle and how God watches over each step of the way. In hindsight I think it's quite awesome that we had this conversation when we did.

That evening I was laying in bed, as had become my evening ritual, trying to rest my body and ease contractions. I decided to check out Babycenter, since I hadn't been on there in a while.  I came across a post with the Title: My Friend Just had a baby with Down Syndrome, What do I do?

I almost skipped it, but something made me click it.

The post was pretty much saying her friend had just given birth, and was surprised to learn that her son had DS. She didn't know how to react, she was asking if she should address it, and let her know that she's there for her, or ignore it and just act like all was normal. I personally was thinking, well, definitely don't ignore it. But I also had never been in that situation so I felt like I shouldn't respond with my "limited knowledge" I read through the comments and saw tons of people linking to a birth story. Everyone kept saying send her here, show her this. It's a birth story about a mom who was also surprised at birth when her daughter had DS.

I clicked the link. Saw that the story was long, and thought, I don't really need to read that it doesn't apply to me. So I exited the blog. But it really intrigued me, and I had a lot of time on my hands to read a long story. So I went back to the link.

I was directed to Kelle Hampton's Blog. I read Nella's Birth story.  I cried, I was touched. I thought of what a perfect place to send the mommy who had just had her world so shaken. And then I had a thought that scares me. I thought, But that won't happen to me. It still stings to remember it now... I immediately chided my thoughts. It COULD happen to could happen to anyone. Don't think yourself to be exempt from these things. I distinctly remember wondering what I would do if that did happen to me, and ended up brushing the thought of with the mindset that if anything ever did happen I would deal with it at the time, and not spend time stressing about it now.

October 27th, 2010
Oh, I doubt I will ever forget this day...
I spent most of the day trying to rest again, as I was still having contractions, and spending my nights up with Jojo. I really felt off all day. I remember thinking of how many birth stories I had read of people feeling "off" and going into labor, and just brushing it off. After all, I had been having contractions since 31 weeks, and been to the hospital many times over...I was convinced I'd never go into real labor. PLUS...I still had over two weeks til my due date, of Nov 12th.

I stayed home from church that night because I was not feeling well at all, plus Jojo was still just getting better. Her voice was so raspy and almost gone. I took her into our bedroom, and was pacing the room. I honestly kept wondering if I'd have to call Joey to take me to the hospital. But didn't want to be sent home like all the other I got out my excersize ball. I put some youtube videos on my phone for jojo, little singing clips, like bible songs, backyardigans etc. She was having fun singing, when I suddenly had a HUGE contraction, it gripped my body so much my knees buckled and I had to grab the dresser to keep from falling. I reached for the ball which was nearby and sat on it for a second. I then had the thought that this could be the start of REAL labor, so I checked the time. 7:30pm...little did I know, just how significant it would be that I checked the time when I did.

About 10 mins after the first I had another Killer contraction. Ten minutes after that...another! I was beginning to think this might be the real thing, yet at the same time didn't want to believe it after going to the hospital and being sent home before. BUT...they did tell me, it would change, and I was pretty sure these contractions were way more intense than the ones I'd been having for months. When Joey got home I explained to him what was going on, and he said we'd wait and time them and see what happened. Normally I'd have consistent contractions that would be about the same time frame apart, but they didn't get closer. So we were waiting to see if they'd get closer.

Before I knew it I was the only one up....12pm...1am...2am...the contractions went from about 10 min apart, to 8 min, to 5...I decided to take a shower knowing that was one of the things people said can help to relax you and calm down contractions if you are not in labor. I didn't know it then, but this shower would be the last I took in that bathroom for the next 6 months!!

When I got out contractions were about 3 min apart, and I was madly rocking back n forth on the ball. I decided to wake up Joey and get the kids ready to go to the hospital. I called my Mum and let her know that we would be leaving, she decided to meet us at the hospital instead of us going to her house first.

Off we went. 

We arrived at the hospital and Mum found us, we loaded the kids into her car, made arrangements for her to bring my sister, Alyce, later if they admitted me, and made our way into the hospital.

We did the regular routine of checking in, I went back and forth from hunching over the counter during contractions, to trying to look somewhat normal while standing in L&D signing papers. haha

The nurse came and got me and we were taken to the first room on the left. I was hooked up to all the monitors, and the established right away that I was having contractions. I was watching the lines go "through the roof" on the monitor and thinking, no wonder it hurts so much!

It was about 5 - 6 am by now, the Dr came in and said, "well, you're going to have a baby today!" I felt such relief, excitement, and shock all at once. they checked me and I was at 2 !/2 cm. At my last appointment i had been 0. So I was glad to finally see progress. ...But then they told me they were going to let me labor at home "where it will be more comfortable" haha like it was possible for me to be comfortable! The ladies at the front desk gave me sympathetic looks and told me, "we'll see you again soon, Don't worry."

We drove home, me still contracting wishing something would happen to make us have to turn around and go back...They had said to come back if something changes, when my contractions got more painful basically. Because they were already every 3-4 minutes. So, I kept praying for them to become more painful. Strange isn't it, how I wanted to be in more pain... I shouldn't have been in any rush. But after months of contractions, and finally getting somewhere with them I just wanted to be in the hospital already, and meet my little girl!

We stopped and got something to eat on the way home, and Joey went to lay on the couch. I was pacing around, anxious and he told me I should try to rest. After all it was now about 7am and I had been awake since the morning before. I laid on the couch for about half an hour trying to sleep, but it was hard with all the contractions. I eventually got up, and went to the bathroom, contemplated taking another shower, but decided against it.

I asked Joey to take a walk with me, and he told me he would in half an hour, so I paced the room, the house, the front yard, rocked on my birthing ball, bounced, walked, paced some more. Finally it had been half an hour, so I woke him up. I know I'm so mean right. The poor guy only got half a night's I am running on no sleep all night and very little the rest of the week, and all I want to do is run around the neighborhood. He wanted me to wait longer so I decided I'd just go. I hoofed it out the front door, walking at a brisk pace, around the block, there was a chill in the air, but it felt good. I watched the school kids getting on the bus by the park, and tried not to stop too long and draw any attention. Yes, I'm in labor, and I'm just taking a stroll around the neighborhood...I'm fine....

When I got back Joey met me at the door and was ready to go, so we walked around again, this time we walked around the park too. It was a lot nicer having someone to talk to and distract me. I stopped every now and then to breath through a contraction, but we walked on...

Little did I know how significant this walk would become...this would be the last time I walk to the park, walk around the park, or walk at the park for another 8-9 months!

We decided to go hang out at Mum and Dad's house so that we could be with the kids, and also we would be closer to the hospital when I was ready to go. I was really hoping we'd have to go to the hospital instead, or we'd arrive and have to tell Mum we were heading straight back to the hospital. such luck.

I laid on the pull out sofa in the living room for most of the day, being told to "try and get some rest" by everyone. I just wanted to be in the hospital, having my baby...I kept thinking that the contractions were going away, I'd get this taunting memory "well, you're going to have a baby today" and I'd think, you lied, I'm not having a baby today, why did you say that? Nothing is changing, the contractions are going away and I'm going to end up going home... I was pretty upset considering all the work my body was doing, I was exhausted, and it seems like nothing was happening. Every time I thought the contractions were done, I'd have another. It would give me hope, and then I would doubt again...and then another...and so it went...ALL...DAY...LONG...

I played with the kids some, tried to rest, took a walk around Mum's neighborhood with Joey. I was able to fall asleep in mum's bed for about half an hour, and then I was up again off for a walk with my sis. We walked, and walked, and walked...

I tried to rest some more, and decided I was going to go take a shower. The warm water felt so nice. When I got out of the shower and dried off I saw blood "down there" it wasn't a lot, but it was enough of a change in my opinion. So we packed up and headed to the hospital. The whole way I feared my contractions going away, I was sure we'd get there, and things would have stopped, I'd look ridiculous and be sent home AGAIN. That 10 minute ride was a long one.

Right as we pulled in, I got a HUGE contraction. Surprisingly it made me feel a lot better, now I had blood, AND more pain under my belt. SO in we went. By now it's 7pm. This time they took me all the way to the end of the hall and over to the other side. A room I hadn't been in before. A tough feet. They got me all hooked up and asked all the right questions..then I waited and waited for the Dr, finally someone came in and mentioned that the dr had some emergency or a delivery or something and he'd be there soon. So we waited some more, all the while my contractions had amped it up and I was feeling more pain. Then a massive contraction hit me, it was horrible and brought me to tears, during this time the dr opened the door and began to introduce himself, mid-sentence he got a sympatheticc look on his face and just waited. I will never forget that man! He asked me about the blood the contractions etc, I went through another killer contraction through clenched teeth and tears. He told me to let him know when I wasn't contracting and he'd check my progress then. I was at 3 !/2 cm he said, "I'm admitting you!"

And the sky parted, and birds sang...

I mean, I thanked him profusely, and felt a huge relief at hearing those words. Dr Gambetta... I am forever grateful for his decision to admit me...

I walked over to the Delivery Room, and on the way passed a nurse who I'd seen at one of my "false labor" visits. She remembered me and congratulated me. I was surprised she remembered me as it was about month since I'd seen her.

Everything felt surreal...walking down that hall. I'm finally being admitted, I'm having my baby girl, pretty soon I'll meet her, hold her, see what she looks like, nurse her....

I was introduce to my nurse as I got settled in the bed. Liberty. I also met Lynette the midwife, sine I had chosen to have the midwife help me deliver. They were both awesome!! Liberty asked me if I wanted an epidural. I let her know that I would want one eventually, but I didn't need one yet. I was handling the contractions pretty well, able to focus and breathe through them, and in my mind the epidural was for the time that it became unbearable. So I kept on. My sister arrived, and Stacy arrived, now we had the whole "labor crew" assembled.


 It was suggested that I take a shower to try and help me relax, I was never able to do this in labor before, and always wished for a water birth, so I figured being in the shower for part of my labor was as close as I was going to get. Stacy was going to help me in there, but I'm weird. Though she had seen my top half naked, helping with breastfeeding etc, and she'd seen the bottom half at both my other births, I wanted a gown. haha I laughed at myself, but whatever, it helped me feel better. So I put my arms into the gown and draped it down my middle. Much better. :) I stayed in there for a while, just letting the water run down my back, over my head...enjoying the warmth. But pretty soon I needed to just lay down. So I hopped back into bed. Without realizing that would be the last time I'd "hop into" bed...for a long time.

I tried to rest but was unable so they suggested giving me benadryl to help me sleep. I took that, and everyone else laid down. I have NO idea what time it was but it must have been late. around 10-11pm. I'd lay my head down, and toss and turn, then I'd start talking to Stacy, she'd eventually say, "ok, now go to sleep" we did this over and over until I laid there silent for a one time, while Stacy noticed that I was extremely restless. We brought Liberty back in and asked about the benadryl, and foud out that sometimes it can have an opposite effect, it can cause hyperactivity. Ya think! No wonder I couldn't sleep!

At this point we decided I should get the epidural, since it might help me sleep and get some rest for the upcoming birth of my daughter. :)

In case you didn't know I have a fear of epidurals. Yes, I've had them with all my girls. But my first two births were at South Sac, and by the same "Epidural Guy" He was amazing! This time I was so scared, because it was someone different, and I still have all those stories in the back of my mind about people being paralyzed after getting epidurals. So the guy comes in and gets everything ready. I decided to have Stacy stay with me because she's excellent a helping with the awkward sitting-up-through-a-contraction-while-getting-stuck-in-the-back-thing.

As soon as he stuck me I jumped, it felt like a nerve got pinched or something, it totally freaked me out! It hurt, as he was putting it in and doing everything, and I was having visions of being paralyzed. He did all the testing, can you feel that contraction stuff, and it went well. Then all of a sudden my back started burning, like crazy, branching out from where I had the epidural and taking over my back. it felt like my back was on fire, I wanted to literally rip off my back. :(

The nurse put some numbing stuff on it and the burning went away. Praise The Lord. Then, my head gets dizzy, I start to feel faint & sick. I hear beeping in the distance as my head drops back into the pillow... I get a shot of something, and I start to feel better. Turns out my blood pressure plummeted.

Everything is stabilized and everyone goes back to trying to rest. At some point during this time I think I changed nurses? I REALLY didn't want to see Liberty go...but then came along Shonnie. I grew just as attached to her...

Twice the "RED button" got pushed by accident. It was in a position so that if someone went near the top of my bed, it would easily get bumped. The first time, everyone rushed in and we stared at each other for a second, explained to them we must have accidentally pushed the button. I was introduced to the Dr that was on. Dr Vanderveen, and also Dr Tiglao ( a student dr?) The second time it was all apologies. Nothing's wrong, sorry again.

My chest began to feel heavy, and I felt like I was struggling to breath. My oxygen was fine. They did a bunch of numb tests to see how far up the epidural had gotten and if that was why my chest felt heavy but I could feel things too high up, it wasn't the epidural. We decided to put an oxygen mask on me, just because it hoped me feel less like I was gasping for air.

Hours passed, I remember checking Facebook on my phone and finding messages from so many friends from far away, wondering If I had the baby yet, sending me encouragement, I tried updating when I could...but there wasn't a lot to tell...still in labor was pretty much how the updates went.

I ate up every word of encouragement sent to me. I was feeling low, exhausted, just wanting to have her already, be done with labor, it really felt like I would be in labor forever.

Throughout the labor I had little bouts of my blood pressure dropping, the machine would beep and someone would fix it. Every time it scared me. But I was thankful that everything was ok for the baby, even if I was having all kinds of trouble.

Shonnie had been done with her shift and decided to stay for an extra two hours with me. I was SO blessed by this because I really didn't want her to leave. Just like with the previous nurse. She thought that I should have the baby by then, so she would stay. Well...her two extra hours came and went, still no baby. Then I met Nurse Deterding. Apparently Stacy knew her sister from school or something of the sort... By now it was morning.

Time continues to pass by with me just continuing on through labor...Joey and my sis went somewhere, to get food or something. Stacy decided to go to the bathroom real quick and I was alone.

I laid my head back and finally started to drift off to sleep. Suddenly My nurse was shaking my arm, asking me if I could breathe ok. I gave her a groggy looking head wobbling answer, "uh huh" Then I realized, I wasn't breathing ok, I was gasping for air, straining to drag in any air I could, my eyes got big in panic. Stacy walked back in and rushed over asking why was wrong. The red button was pushed, this time for real and I was given oxygen again, and sat up. My Nurse explained to Stacy how she had come in and heard me gasping for air. Stacy said she wouldn't leave the room again. Half joking, half serious.

Th Dr checked everything out at this point, and noticed I had gone from 4cm when I got the Epi to only 5 cm. Remember I got the epidural sometime between 10-12pm. It was now probably closer to lunch time the next day...

Things kept going on like this, i was checked multiple times, blood pressure dropped every now and then, I'd be dizzy on and off.

Th Dr found that my legs couldn't move at all, they were way too heavy and stiff, so we turned down the epidural. Also I was given pictocin to try and help my contractions pick up as they had apparently startd spacing apart more. I was also stuck at 5cm, every time someone checked. Over the next few hours.

During this whole process from the very beginning we had been told they couldn't break my water, because it was considered "early intervention" I was technically still 37 weeks pregnant when I was admitted. By now...the 29th I was 38wks. But it was too risky to break my water, because of the risk of cord prolapse. For those that don't know, that is when your water breaks but the cord comes down before the baby's head. This can be VERY dangerous, fatal. So we didn't want to risk that.

At some point I had to change nurses AGAIN. But Nurse Deterding promised to come by and see Ava after she was born. I was introduced to Jenn M. I will never, EVER forget her! You'll soon find out why.

Pretty soon Dr Vanderveen found that the baby had dropped, finally, so it was ok to break my water. With Savannah I had my water broken too. I remember the warm gush and then the contractions getting 10 times worse. Well this time I had an epidural already so I figured I'd just feel the gush. He broke my water... there was no gush. Apparently her head had dropped so much that it was now blocking any water from coming out. ha

So Nothing much changed after that. I updated my Facebook status about getting my water broken and that would end up being the last update. We were about to face a life threatening situation, a couple actually.

Some time passes and The Dr and Midwife both come and check on me. They don't like the way the outside monitor is keeping track of the baby. They keep losing the heartbeat. They want to try an internal monitor.

So at this point, we have the epidural turned way down, (cos of my heavy legs and chest) pictocin cranked up to get things moving, oxygen nearby, just in case, and I've been stalled at 5cm for hours...

The Midwife tries to get the internal monitor attached and suddenly they see baby doesn't like it. She tries a couple times and decides, "No, baby doesn't like it, never mind" But wait, now baby has moved in such a way that the monitor is now stuck inside, not attached or in use, but lodged in there. So the Dr tries to remove it carefully with no success and before I know it numerous people are being called, each one checking me, and trying to get the monitor, Ava's going into distress, and I do too... everyone rushes in again and I am flipped on my side.

All I could see from my view point was the monitor flat lining... I didn't know they had unplugged it, it took everything in me to keep breathing. I shut my eyes, and kept thinking "My AVA, I want My Ava...where's My Ava...I want her OUT NOW! Is my baby ok...oh Ava, I want Ava!!" I Prayed "Please god let her be ok! Please let her be ok!"

Right about the point where I started to lose it, tears falling, panic setting in...I saw a mans feet walk up next to me and heard some of the most soothing, strengthening words...I will never forget that moment. I heard, "Be Strong for your baby Karly, you can do it" Immediately I was filled with a new strength, I could do it...I NEEDED to be strong for My Ava! I found out later the man was Dr Tiglao! I could have sworn he was an angel!

I was flipped back over, and things were becoming more stable, but I was feeling MAJOR contractions. I guess now i really know what contractions feel like during transition, without much help from an epidural.   It was bad!  The Dr and midwife chatted and kept checking things. I was having huge contractions. Stacy and the nurse were watching the monitor and I would start to get a contraction start breathing, and I couldn't speak to let them know it was starting, it seemed like the monitor didn't pick it up til a few seconds later, so I'd be halfway through breathing through a contraction and then my support would be like ok here comes one. lol I was finally able to tell them in between what was happening, and they were able to watch my facial clues and if i was able I'd say it's coming, and sure enough it would show up right after...

The Dr brought in paperwork for me to sign to have a C-section if anything were to go wrong again. Explained about letting him know if i felt that "pressure" down there.

It wasn't more than 5-10 minutes and I felt it. I called the Dr back in, and sure enough I was dilated to 10 CM. FINALLY. I believe at this point I burst into tears...ya know the whole sobbing mess kind. I think Stacy asked if they were happy tears, and I confirmed that they were. I thought, "I'm almost done" I was so relieved that soon enough I would be holding my little girl in my arms, and I could rest and enjoy her...after SO long in labor!

The Midwife said they'd come back in a few minutes after letting her come down some more before pushing, but immediately came back and said, "let's just do a practice push and see how you do"

So I did, and she kind of reacted like "wow, that was really good, don't push anymore" calling out to everyone to get everything ready.

Then it was time to push. I pushed so hard, I breathed well, and I could tell I was doing really good. It hurt, and was so hard, but I had nurse jenn on my left and star on my right, I think Joey was next to jenn? Things became a little complicated and I was asked to push my legs back farther, I would never have thought it was possible...I practically had my knees up to my ears (sorry TMI, but its important to know considering what happened next) I Pushed long hard pushes, and her head came out. Relief.... the midwife was trying to convince my sister to come see, and how it was such a miracle, star and i also said she should see. So she came over to look. My poor sister, doesn't like hospitals, blood and icky stuff. And what happened next probably scarred her for life.

Turns out Ava's cord was twisted and clotted and wrapped around her neck. It was too dangerous for the midwife to try and pull it up over her head, so she had to gradually pull it down over her body, where it was also wrapped around her arm and criss crossed around her body. Poor Baby.

She had me do short quick pushes, as she maneuvered the cord down around her body and at the same time pulled her out. At this point I didn't know that anything was wrong, the midwife was completely calm, but I knew something was up because I could feel her pulling and tugging ava hurt and felt so weird, it wasn't the typical "pushing out" of a baby, so I knew something was up. She finally came out, my poor sister had gone out to the hallway to call my mum in tears. She was horrified by what she saw, and thought the midwife was in her words "going to rip the baby's head off" It must have been pretty hard to watch.

I asked Joey what he remembers about it and he showed me how she had to pull and tug at Ava and get her cord off her once she came out, he said it was pretty weird to watch.

At this point I think I just laid my head back in relief. She's here...I'm SO exhausted! The midwife showed  me the cord and how it was all twisted and weird looking. Ava had been laid right on the bed when she came out because instead of stirrups this time my legs were just propped up on the bed, it was kind of nice to have her come out and laid right there. I got up on my elbows and peeked around my leg to see her.

My first thought was, "she looks like Uncle Dave" (one of my best friends in high school, he's Philipino by the way) I then realized she didn't look dark skinned...she was BLUE...and she didn't look asian... she has Down Syndrome...

I knew...from the very first moment I saw her it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I remember shutting my eyes and opening them again to see if it was real...

I'd peek at her again, maybe it's just me...i can't see her very good from this angle, yeah it can't be...she must just look funny from the labor... but all the while it was nagging at me... she has down syndrome...she has down syndrome...can somebody just please tell me she has down syndrome...

Ava was whisked over to the baby bed where I couldn't see her anymore for all the nurses and daddy surrounding her, and the midwife asked me to push out the placenta. She had to pull it a little and help it out, and when she did, she thought it was beautiful. The midwife and nurse then went back and forth over whether or not it was beautiful or gross. haha I just kind of smiled, and wondered why i felt so warm down there...

I recalled horror stories of moms bleeding uncontrollably after birth and felt panicky because i could feel blood gushing and gushing out of me, I wondered why nobody else was panicking. The midwife stayed calm, but I could tell she was concerned. I didn't know it at the time, but Stacy had disappeared from my sight, turns out she had dropped to her knees in prayer, after seeing my bleeding, and sent txts to everyone to pray hard. As soon as she stood the bleeding was controlled. Praise the Lord for that!


I was extremely thankful for the nurses who were calling out what they were doing with Ava, i felt like i should be sitting up, asking questions, finding out if everything was ok, but I had NO strength, my head fell back and i closed my eyes, listening to what they were doing with ava. "we're just helping her breath now, giving her some oxygen, we're just trying to pink her up " etc...

A lot at this point is a blur, I remember it as if I had tunnel vision. I don't know who came or went, were certain people were if i was not looking at them. Then they brought her to me. I stared at her... I knew...

She kept making these sucking faces, where she would suck her lips in...Joey, the proud Daddy, kept snapping pictures. I kept trying to tell him not to take pictures of her doing that, she looked funny. I was terrified that he was going to upload them to fb, and everyone would automatically know...before we knew it everyone would know, before we even told them anything...

I pleaded with him not to upload pictures...yet. He kept asking me why?  All I could manage to say was, "because she looks funny doing that" He could care less if she looked funny. He updated everyone that she was born, and I guess he uploaded the pictures. :)


I really felt like this wasn't happening, hadn't i JUST read a story like this, it didn't feel real, it was too weird,  I just read this I kept thinking...  I tried to rack my brain of what happened in the story of Nella's birth, what i wanted to do differently, I didn't want to seem upset, I wanted her to know I loved her...I felt like she could see through to my soul, and she'd find out that there was a part of me that was surprised, shocked, and didn't know what to do.

I stared at her, stroked her face, thinking do you know i love you, I do...I really do...please know I love you! I didn't expect this...but I love you so much! 

My sister came over and hugged me, I asked her, "does she look like she has down syndrome?" her response was something like, " no, i think her face is just squished from being stuck for so long" and this was how it went for a while, I desperately wanted someone to just tell me she had down syndrome.

I asked Stacy, "why does her face look squished? Do you think she has down syndrome" she answered, with the same thing as everyone else "her face will probably look different in an hour or two, she was probably just squished in there" why won't anybody tell i going sure she has down syndrome. 

My dad came and picked up my sister, Stacy left, and Joey sent a message out to everyone that we didn't want any visitors until tomorrow, because I was so exhausted. Ava was born at 5:14pm October 29th.  7lb 7oz just like Kyah, and 20 in.

Tammy, Joey's mom brought us some yummy chinese food and got to hold Ava, so I could eat. Then a new dr came in..looking apprehensive. this is it... I thought. now they're gonna tell us...

I don't remember where my husband was, where his mom was...anything...I had complete tunnel vision.

At this time she asked for the baby from Tammy, and said that she was just going to give her a little look over. Joey at this point had no idea what was going on, and as far as I know he just thought they were checking her over because of what happened during the birth. He says he was over by the baby bed with the dr.

I also found out later from him that he did think she looked different, but his thought was, "so she looks kinda funny, that's ok, she doesn't have to be cute, I'll still love her" Little did he wasn't about looking funny or being cute or not, she looked different because she had Down Syndrome.

The Dr then came over to us and handed Ava to me. She then went on to explain that they suspected that she had Down Syndrome...

there it is...finally...someone said it... 

 I almost felt relieved, just knowing that what I was thinking wasn't crazy, that she really did most likely have Down Syndrome.

She explained a few of the features and things that led them to believe she had Down syndrome, and then she asked if we had any questions. Honsetly, I couldn't think of ANYTHING to ask. It kind of felt like, well now we know, and we can move forward. I had already been through a plummeting low and was coming up again, feeling like, ok we can do this, she's still our daughter, and we still love her!

I think Joey was just in shock, because I don't remember him having any questions either. The Dr let us know that if we had any to let them know, and she could come see us or talk with us.

What happened next is kind of a blur as I said, I was completely exhausted from such a long hard labor, and after eating I was really feeling like I just wanted to lay my head back and rest. I didn't really want to hold Ava because I thought I might drop her, my arms were just so tired.

The nurse convinced me to try and nurse her at least for a little bit, so I did, I felt so numb. Nothing felt much had transpired, it felt so surreal. I was purely exhausted and been just handed some shocking news, even though I handled it pretty well, and convinced myself to "suck it up" and get on with it...everything just felt like it was happening in a fog.

This picture...pretty much sums it all up for me!

Ava nursed a little, but I was too tired to hold her very long, and jenn (the nurse) asked if she could hold her. "just for fun" I will never forget that moment. As much as it feels like so much of that time was a blur, there are a few moments that are seared into my memory, this was one of them. She took our sweet brand new baby girl, and cradled her legs up against her chest, cupped her hands around her little head and sang her Happy Birthday. I'm in tears now...just writing it. She had no idea, what big thing that was. She was the first person to wish our girl a "Happy BIRTH Day" she rocked her, she stroked her face, she just loved her. I wish we had a picture of it, because the picture I have saved in my memory is beautiful. I wish you all could see...

At some point Joey took Ava, and according to him he remembers "checking her" he checked all the different things that the dr pointed out, and could explain away all of them..."her face really could be squished because of the birth, it's already starting to look more normal, her hands don't have that line, See?...her ears don't look that tiny or really low to you do they?

Oh but that was a dead giveaway...she had the longest tongue! (Which is typically a trait that comes with having Down Syndrome) I recall everyone saying how she had such a long tongue at some point before we were "officially" told that they suspected Down Syndrome, I didn't know then that it was a common trait, I just though she had a crazy long tongue!

So, normally after labor they turn off the epidural, and as it starts to wear off you can feel your legs more, and they eventually have you stand and try to walk to the bathroom, after you've done that you can transfer to the recovery room for the rest of your stay.

I thought the dpi was wearing off pretty well, since it had been turned almost off late in the labor. I even thought, maybe I'll be able to get up and walk sooner than with the other girls, I can already feel my legs really well...

Little did I know...

Jenn came and asked me if I'd like any pain medication, if I was starting to have any pain anywhere. With both my older girls I alternated vicodin and motrin, and had a lot of pain, especially with Kyah. But one Vicodin was enough to practically knock me out, and I wasn't really hurting too bad. So I told her, "I think I'll just have a motrin, I'm starting to feel a bit or the usual crampiness, but nothing too bad" I even thought ...maybe i won't need that much pain medicine this time... HA!

Before she could even get back with the Motrin, I started to feel this Horrible pain in my pubic area. I started kind of writhing in the bed a little and moaning, " hurts...oh it hurts so bad..." Joey grew concerned and came over asking what hurt, normal cramping? I told him I didn't know what hurt, and that it felt like burning or something ripped.

By the time the nurse came back in she asked me right away what was wrong. I told her through gritted teeth that it hurt really bad, really really bad. She asked where and I pointed and said RIGHT THERE... She said she was going to get the midwife, I dropped my head back against the pillow in tears...  this hurts so bad, what's wrong with me, I'm so scared...why does it hurt...

The midwife came in and the nurse explained to her what I had told her, she asked me where it hurt I showed her, she looked concerned. She asked me, "what does it hurt like" I didn't need time to think the words came tumbling right out...I knew exactly what it felt like...  I told her, "It feels like somebody SNAPPED my pubic bone in half!!" Her eyes grew big as did the nurses. They looked at each other.  I knew this wasn't going to be good. The nurse said something like, "it sounds like you may have separated your pubic bone, but we can't tell for sure until we can get you an x-ray"

Meanwhile the Nurse had rushed to get me TWO vicodin, when she got the midwife, I looked at her like really TWO? One normally knocked me out. I hurt SO bad, so I took them both...after a while the pain started to feel a little less intense. My thoughts went a little something like this... ok, thats starting to feel a bit better, it should feel better soon... a few minutes pass... it's starting to get bad way, I took TWO vicodin, why does it still hurt...oh this hurts SO bad...Lord help me, this is so hurts it hurts it hurts...

It had become quite obvious when just trying to move my left leg that it caused excruciating I started to wonder how I was going to switch rooms. Normally you stand up and sit in the wheelchair...not this time. They organized to have a gurney come and get me, Joey loaded up our things onto one of their push carts, and two people propped cushions all around me, Held on and they swooshed me over to the gurney. OH that hurt SO bad...I was trying to hold back tears, it hurt to be moving, to be laying completely flat on such a hard surface, every little bump sent searing pain through my body...that was a LONG 5 minute trip. Joey and I both don't remember who brought Ava up. She came with us, but I couldn't carry her like the normal routine would have me do. I really can't remember if the nurse brought her... ?? The guy that was pushing the gurney talked to me the whole way, I'm pretty sure he knew I was in a ton of pain, and was trying to help me keep my mind off it, the lady helping push me also asked questions about my labor and they both mentioned how sorry they were that I was in so much pain, and that they hoped I'd be feeling better soon, and congratulated us on our new daughter.

When we arrived in the room, I met my new nurse. At the time I just remember her having to check my vitals, checking Ava's, helping to get me comfortable after talking with Jenn about what happened and why I was hurting etc. I was all propped up in a half sitting half reclined position, with a bend in the knee pillows all over... I couldn't lay flat and i couldn't sit up...I had one reclining/sitting half up position, with a couple pillows behind my head, my/under my arms, and under my knees, we eventually got me to where I could rest.

My nurses name was Bonnie, she would eventually play a huge part in my stay and recovery. But I wouldn't even remember that she was my first nurse til months after Ava's birth...

Joey and I were finally able to talk to each other. We talked a bit about Ava having Down Syndrome, I felt like, I knew she had it, he felt like nothing was proven until the blood test was done. We talked a bit about the different features, and realized Ava didn't look like the lines on her hand were any different. That was enough to convince him, that she might not have Down Syndrome. We talked about how no matter what we would love her, and that we would do whatever we needed to do for her.

I tried feeding her, but she wouldn't latch well, and when she did, she just fell asleep, I tried changing sides and the normal "keeping the baby awake to eat" tricks, but to no avail. I decided she was probably worn out from everything, and I knew I was so I would try and get some rest, Bonnie also said she would wake up when she was hungry, and to try and get some rest. So I tried to get some didn't go so well. I couldn't get to sleep knowing Ava hadn't eaten, so about every half hour I would try and feed her again, eventually Bonnie helped me to undress her and lay her on my chest.

We tucked her into my gown, pulled up the blankets, and I snuggled her there for a long time...

And so began our First night with Ava...Daddy was off to the side in his fold out bed, Ava all tucked into mommy's gown, so soft and warm. Little peach fuzzy, squishy girl...

and for a while...we thought we'd be ok. We'll get through this....tomorrow is a new day...we'll start fresh, and move forward. The big girls can come and meet their sister... the are going to show us how to sweet girls are going to teach me so much... 

With silent tears I prayed...

Thankyou Lord for keeping her safe, thank you for saving her life, thank you for preserving me, when we both could have died so easily. THANKYOU Lord, for getting us through this, please help us, help me deal with this pain, and help us to know what to do from us glorify you in everything...Amen

There you have it, THE BIRTH STORY...stay tuned for the rest of our story, and pray for me as I continue to write and process all of the memories, good and bad.

Keep Looking Up!

May 12, 2012

Mother's Day and A 1st Birthday!

This weekend is going to be a little bittersweet.  Sunday we will celebrate Mother's Day, I am blessed to be the mom/mum to 3 beautiful little girls. They are each unique in their own ways, and I treasure each one of them. My sweet big girl Kyah, who is sensitive and caring and keeps telling me how she can't wait til we go and get her baby brother. MyCrazy JoJo, who keeps me on my toes, she is wild and crazy, but has a huge heart! She is so snuggly and sweet, and she too is excited for baby Jaxon to share her room. And our sweet Ava...our little ray of sunshine. She is getting spunky, and turning into a toddler! She keeps us all smiling and laughing, she is quite the comedian.

We also celebrate our mothers. My mum who taught me how to be the mother that I am. I am so thankful for a mum that showed me love, taught me how to be responsible, and to care for others. I love you Mum!!

And thankyou Tammy For raising a son who has turned out to be a pretty great husband. We love you and are so thankful for you!!

As for Birthdays...

My 3 girls all have end of year birthdays...our family finishes out the year with a bang.

Kyah in September, Ava in October, Joey in November, then Savannah and I in December.

So who's birthday is in May?
Well my beautiful niece just turned 2...she has her very own holiday, Cinco de MAYA. ;) haha (at least we like to call it that) Maya is a little miracle!


Hopefully soon Maya will share her birthday month with her precious boy cousin...

Jaxon is turning ONE!

So this weekend/week (I can't be specific with dates on here) we will celebrate Mother's day, and Jaxon's 1st Birthday. We will make cupcakes, and share them with others, we will celebrate his precious life, knowing that for him it may just be another day without a mommy, or a daddy...or siblings...or cousins to share your birthday month with.

When Kyah turned one we had a celebration with family and friends...when savannah turned one, we had a Winter ONEderland celebration with family and friends, when Ava turned one we had a whole lot to celebrate!! Her Birth, and also My recovery...we celebrate these milestones, and make memories for a lifetime.

This first birthday for Jaxon sadly will be spent apart...

But Lord-willing, with the Lord's help and all of your help and support...we can celebrate together next year.

It's tough to think about him being so far away and us not being able to celebrate with him, show him love, and that he is celebrated, it just breaks my mommy heart to pieces!

I have calculated our immediate financial need to get our dossier submitted, by hopefully the first week of June (if the Home study is complete)  and in order to do this we will need about $5,000.

It will cost about $600- $800 to have all the documents apostilled.
Sending in our USCIS forms will cost about $890
FBI fingerprinting fees are $18 each, plus the cost of then posting them in the mail to get apostilled, apostille fees, and shipping back.
Sipping fees for our Dossier are going to be up there too.
Our Agency Fee to be sent when we submit our dossier will be $3500.

So as you can see, we're it's crunch time.

Our FSP stands at $150, and our Chip In is currently at $35 RED, and $194, for our puzzle fundraiser BLUE.  Our personal savings are depleting fast with all the up front costs.

Please pray with us, and consider donating $20 for Jaxon's Birthday. If all our friends just donated this small amount it would add up fast! The best birthday gift he could receive this year is coming home to his family!

I can't offer any material prizes, or incentives right now...other than the joy of knowing you helped an orphan gain a family...

Thank you all for your support, be it prayer, financial, or moral support. We appreciate it all! God has got us this far, without having to use any raised we need your help.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all you wonderful mothers out there.

We will spend the day with our church family, at the park, the girls can't wait to make birthday cupcakes for Jaxon to share with our church family!

Keep Looking Up!