Jun 16, 2013

Our Journey to Ollie.

December 2011, Joey and I had been discussing more children.  We had decided that we should think more about adoption after all that happened with Ava's birth, and my injuries.

We had been praying for a year about where the Lord was leading us, and had recently moved into an apartment to be more free to move should the Lord lead. We decided that if we were going to add to our family it should probably be in the next year, so that if we were to move we wouldn't be going through that at the same time.

I had found an adoption agency in California that I loved, they match families with children, and sometimes you can even adopt them right from birth, even be there if the mother so wishes. We had decided to move forward with adopting, and I was filling out a preliminary application with our information to start the process.

I distinctly remember sitting there and thinking, "what about Reece's Rainbow?" I hear so many others say I was just looking and I found my son, or daughter, I saw their picture and I just knew...
I smugly thought to myself, I've been on there a lot and I've never thought that. So...I clicked over to RR.

Thinking I would scroll through like always, and go back to the other application. (I know I know, i can hear you all laughing at me now!) I Clicked on the category Down Syndrome. Boys 0-2.

Scrolling...scrolling...and stop...keep scrolling...and then back up. Scroll..back up. Ollie....

Born October 2010. Just like Ava.  I think. I read the little info there is on him, but think back to the words of a friend, about having to adopt in birth order. I wonder for a second if him being the same age as her would matter. But I had also heard that they need to be at least 7 months younger than your youngest.

So I kept scrolling...just a few kiddos down, was Jaxon.

I scrolled up and down from Ollie to Jaxon, for a long time...

I prayed...& prayed...& prayed...

I ended up coming to the conclusion that we couldn't adopt Ollie, so I focused more on Jaxon. With Ollie in the back of my mind.

Most of you know the story of how I came up to Joey one day and said, " I want to show you something" I looked up RR and Jaxon's profile on his computer and walked away. He called me back right away, wanting me to tell him more. We talked all about what life is like for these children, and he said that we should pray about it.

After about a week or so, of prayer, checking finances and stepping out in faith we decided that we would adopt Jaxon.

We got the papers all in and began our journey. January 2012!

The rest of the journey is long, and complicated. We found out 8 months in that Jaxon passed away. We had lost a son, our hearts were broken. All this time I had also been praying for Ollie, watching his updates as a family met him in May, I held on to their every word, and the new picture. I wondered about Ollie. At the time when we found out about Jaxon, we knew it had been a misunderstanding in the beginning, and that we could have adopted Ollie. It was something that I struggled with, but handed over to God knowing he had a reason for it all. Maybe it was my job to pray and find him a family. So i advocated for him, loved him from afar, and prayed, continually.

When we lost Jaxon we were so far in the complicated paperwork process for Russia, that when I saw Micah while looking for Jaxon on the database, born the same month, etc It seemed like God would have us bring him home. Looking for Jaxon we found Micah. He was in the same region, but a different orphanage, we would pretty much continue on as we were but now it would be for Micah.

Meanwhile, another sweetie I had been advocating for was being adopted from Ukraine. His momma and I would chat often, you see she found out that Ollie was there. She would see him each day peeking over the edge of the playpen. Needing a momma. It took all my strength not to beg her to try and take pictures, something. I tried to control my need for information, and kept thinking, you are not adopting him. You have no right, to ask such things. But she is the sweetest momma, and she knew my love for Ollie. So she and I spoke often about him. It broke my heart to not be able to say "we are coming for you!"

But we were adopting Micah. I could never understand why I had such strong feelings for Ollie, whilst also adopting Micah. I never thought about switching over. But felt so conflicted sometimes, and had eventually decided in myself that if Ollie was still without a family when we had Micah home we would have to adopt him!

I remember telling Joey that one day, and he was unsure. I had not always shared my deepest thoughts on Ollie to him.

Then came the ban. :( We were once again heartbroken to think we could lose another son! A lot of people may have thought we made fast decisions, or didn't care. But those who know us best know the struggle it was to know that having only just sent our dossier to Russia, not yet being submitted or meeting Micah, our chances were slim to none, for continuing. We sought counsel from many, including our agency, and the facilitators over in Russia. It was all that considered that we decided it might be best to switch countries.

It was such a difficult time, it can hardly be put into words. To feel like you are giving up, on one boy. Only to rescue another whom you have so loved. We love them both. How do you go through with such a thing. The only way I can explain it was the peace of God. He calmed my nerves and spoke truth to me. I felt at peace that Micah would be ok. That we should pursue Ollie.

So in January 2013 we officially committed to Ollie. No longer would I have to see people post his precious face asking where his momma was...I could finally say. "we're coming!"

I worked hard and fast to get everything done, this process was not without snags, but it was much smoother and easier than paperwork for R. So I am grateful.

I have wanted to share this for a while. Knowing that some may think we just randomly chose to adopt Ollie when the ban happend. But you see...God planned it all along. I may not understand why Ollie had to wait a whole year longer than if we'd began the process with him.  I try not to think about it, but trust that God knew the journey He put us on, and it is all for a reason.

I am so thankful for the friends I made during our process in R, for gaining a son, who is now with the Lord, for Him allowing me to always love and pray for Micah, no matter what happens! And now...to be with my son!

Our sweet Ollie...finally has a family to love him! He is just soaking it up, and I could not be more thankful that the Lord has led us here...

Keep Looking Up!


We are here in country visiting with our sweet boy. We cannot blog right now, but are keeping a journal and will update the blog once everything is finalized. For all to see. keep us in your prayers! 

May 28, 2013

Happy Birthday...to my "almost" son...

Some of you may be confused, some may have followed our journey this past year and a half.

It's May...Jaxon's Birthday has passed. Meanwhile a little boy sits, in an orphanage in Russia.

I don't know when his birthday is just that it is in May most likely he has turned two already, there are only a few days left in May. Maybe he will be having his birthday this week. Either way, he has been on my mind.

We thought we'd have him home by now, that we'd celebrate his second birthday together.

It was not to be...

It breaks my heart not knowing how he is, wishing he was being loved and cared for. I pray every day that someone will come for him, even though we cannot.

No matter what has happened, or what happens in the future, we will always love you and pray for you sweet Micah.

And in case no one else has told you...


Keep Looking Up!